Please give our first guest blogger a very warm welcome!
Mike W reviews Green Kiwi Frozen Yogurt in Waterloo!
Do you ever see a new business pop up and are instantly saddened by the impending doom the location lends to it? This little thundercloud of uncertainty popped over my head cartoon-style when I visited Green Kiwi Frozen Yogurt in the Laurelwood Commons. Just to qualify this, I loathe formulaic, faux-quaint franchise farms; sure they’re convenient when you need:
• Lattes
• Low-priced shoes
• Prescriptions filled
• A liter of soy milk
• A video games
• A manicure/pedicure
• A pizza
All in one bland, tasteless shopping experience but give me genuine neighborhoods any day.
I was surprised to see a trendy, clean and regrettably empty yogurt shop.
The lady behind the counter was friendly and helpful when she informed my shocked face that there was no goddam chocolate in the hissouse.
WHAT!?! NO SERIOUSLY WHAT!?!
Apparently they had only 2 kinds of yogurt available for my family and swarthy self, something tart and lemony or something tart and pomegranatey. Knowing that I couldn’t drag my wife and child away from the frozen treats without an ocean of tears or my daughter throwing me a stern look I reluctantly sampled both…. They were fantastic! Like actual frozen yogurt, not that white stuff that is so processed that it is indistinguishable from Mickey D’s soft stool-shaped cone offerings that they shill for a buck, but the real deal.
The toppings included quirky items like Fruity Pebbles and Cookie Crisp plus MOUNTAINS of fruit. I’m not kidding, the biceps on this poor girl’s arms stood out like the kneecaps of a small bird under the weight of the “standard” amount of fruit that was laden in my dish, I have so much vitamin C in my system that I am now the cure for scurvy, the common cold and the plague.
Being the mess that I am, after consuming this I needed to freshen up in order to not reduce the steering wheel of my car to a sticky mess, and I was stunned!
I felt like the fishermen that hauled the coelacanth onto their boat in 1938, the coelacanth was a fish that was believed to be extinct for 80 million years until some dudes found one to turn into fish stix. Maybe I’m so used to public washrooms looking like a hobo’s rumpus room that I was momentarily at a loss for words when confronted with so much gleaming surface, keep up the good work guys!
In summation, if you crave genuine frozen yogurt with fresh toppings and a washroom that you can perform open-heart surgery in, this is your joint. I know I’m going back next time I get my nails done.
On an added note, Paul needs a pizza chef/driver, so if you know anybody please drop a dime (only if you are serious tho).
A LITTLE ABOUT MIKE:
Fantastic lover, Adventurer, Philanthropist, World-changer, Cultured, Eloquent, Brilliant….These are words that you shouldn’t use to describe Mike W, who can usually be found holding a camera or mashing a keyboard of some sort in the K-W region.(PS, if you spot him buy him a drink, kthx)
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